I am to be punished this weekend. I have been told that I am in 'big,big trouble'. The trouble is a culmination of a number of infractions over the past couple of weeks. We have not had a chance to do any punishment due to distance and a child in the house. This weekend though we have time and space.
The biggest infraction happened today when I broke a rule and was deliberately disobedient. It doesn't really matter which rule it was, the issue is more that I consciously chose to break it. I now feel horrible. Deliberate disobedience undermines the whole concept of our DD in my opinion.
I am not a brat. Bratting would not work in our relationship. I don't need to act up to be spanked, I can simply ask or more often PT just knows when I need one either for behaviour issues or stress. To brat would be disrespectful to us both. I am not a child and PT does not deserve a bratty bottom.
Our relationship works because we are equal partners. I choose to give my obedience to PT. She chooses to accept it and take on the task of taking care of me. We agree to rules and standards of behaviour. If I break our rules then it is my role to accept and trust that she will take care of it. She trusts me to respect her and tell her when I have misbehaved and to put my punishment in her hands.
So, a considered, deliberate breaking of rules is disrespectful to her and to our relationship. PT used to say to me 'Obedience is its own reward' now I understand that and agree with that and today I let us both down. The positive side of this is that I do feel bad. I am now totally at home in my role as a Bottom. I do understand that giving PT my submission and her acceptance of it is the most intimate and trusting of relationships.
This weekend I will be spanked extremely thoroughly, PT has already told me what is going to happen, it won't be fun for either of us but once it is over I know we will both feel better, equilibrium will be restored and we will move on.
I am a Bottom who makes mistakes and takes ownership of those mistakes and faces the consequences and for that I am thankful and actually a little proud too. :)
Thank you for posting this Pixie ... it is both articulate and erudite.
ReplyDeleteI simply adore the fact that our (DD)relationship, in all its many forms,is only just beginning.
Have I told you how much I am looking forward to the journey of the rest of it? A journey in which I hope my understanding of your needs deepens. A journey in which our discipline continues to evolve.
Be brave my darling Pixie ... let it all go and I will always take care of you.
You make me proud to be a bottom too pix . Sorry to say , but I can't help being a brat ;) I guess that comes from being youngest ( 2nd , my lil sis is the baby ) I was spoiled and still is ( hehe) . But I'm happy that you too have this awesome understanding , like homegal said she will always take care of you. I'll pray she go a lil easy on ya ok :)
ReplyDeletePT, thank you darling Sir x
ReplyDeleteBG thanks for your prayers! :)
Thanks for sharing your journey again, Pixie. For a lot of us, it is a window into another world. I especially like that you share concepts like obedience being its own reward. It's always interesting to see how real life spanking relationships differ from fiction.
ReplyDeleteThank you Loki, sorry for the delay in replying, I should be spanked! ;)
DeleteYou have effectively communicated the profound trust that I am sure is the foundation of every DD relationship. You are most fortunate in that, and in the love that is manifest in the description of your partnership. There are many who have learned to live with a great deal less. I echo Loki in thanking you for this glimpse into a world most of us just write about.
ReplyDeleteWiserDoc
Thank you WD. I am really happy to have you visit here and to have 'met' you. I
DeleteKnow how fortunate we are and I am glad that sharing our lives here is helpful, informative of interest etc to others :)