Chapter 3
Amanda and Silver arrived back an hour or so later. The sun
was setting on the horizon painting the sky a stunning mixture of orange, pink
and grey. There was a slight breeze which carried the sounds of the sea and the
last activity of the shore birds before dark. Amanda took a deep breath of the
salt scented air before heading indoors.
She put a light under a pan of soup she had made earlier
that day before giving Silver his supper. As Silver devoured his meal, Amanda
gently stirred the soup. The aroma of chicken and vegetables drifted under her
nose, her stomach made a gurgling noise in response, reminding Amanda that she
hadn’t eaten since late morning. She cut a slice of fresh wholemeal bread from
the local bakers and treated herself to a slather of butter. As she waited for
the soup to heat through thoroughly she wondered about Sam and whether she had
eaten. She didn’t normally worry about the eating habits of her guests but the
woman did not look fit to cook for herself tonight.
Amanda made the decision to poke her nose in, just this
once. She poured some of the soup into a flask, cut another slice of bread and
made her way to Sam’s door.
Knocking softly on the door Amanda called ‘Hello? Sam? It’s
Amanda from next door. I thought you might like some fresh soup.’
Receiving no answer she knocked again. She stood
indecisively. Should she go in anyway? Would Sam be horrified at such an
intrusion? Amanda chided herself for her indecision and opened the door as she
continued to knock and call out. On entering the house she saw Sam on the sofa
across the room, lying under the blanket she had left, very still and pale. For
a horrible moment Amanda thought she was dealing with someone who was no more,
until a gentle snore emanated from the recumbent woman. Amanda smiled at the
noise and walked a little further into the room. She put the flask and the
bread on the kitchen table. The open plan room was getting quite dark and was
not very warm. She turned towards Sam
and took her time looking at the stranger in her guest house. Blonde, short hair ruffled and in need of a
wash. Smooth, pale skin, slightly puffy cheeks, not as tall as Amanda’s 5 feet
10 but not too much shorter, she had had to bend her knees to lie comfortably
on the sofa. Her hands were placed on top of the blanket, long sleek fingers,
no rings. She was not traditionally beautiful but Amanda thought that she was
attractive, or rather that she would be with some colour in her cheeks.
Amanda quietly went over to the wood burner which she had
already laid for the arrival of the next guest. She struck a match and watched
the kindling catch and the flames lick upwards. Satisfied that she had done all
she could and maybe should for Sam she left the house, closing the door quietly
behind her.
When Sam awoke it was very dark, or it would have been had
it not been for the flickering orange light from the now dying fire in the wood
burner. The room was pleasantly warm and Sam lifted off the blanket and sat up.
She noticed her stiff joints and stretched, yawning. Her mouth felt like a
desert but surprisingly her head was clear. She walked over to the kitchen and
fumbled along the wall for a light switch. Finding it she flicked it and the
small space was brightly lit. It was spotlessly clean. It contained a small
cooker, microwave, a deep Belfast sink and dark oak cabinets. Sam looked into a
couple of the cupboards until she located a glass. She ran the tap and filled
the glass with cold water and drank greedily before filling it for a second
time. She took a moment to take in her surroundings. The stone tiled floor with
tasteful rugs, the wood burner, small coffee table and small dining table,
several lamps placed around the room. The cream sofa that she already knew was
comfortable! A bookcase holding a number of paperbacks that Sam knew she would
investigate later. She had a secret passion to trawl through other people’s
book collections believing it gave a quick insight into the character of those
who owned them. The overall effect was one of comfort. She wandered over to the
wood burner and added a couple of logs which had been placed in a basket next
to it.
Standing with her back to the fire to absorb the heat, Sam
noticed the flask on the table for the first time. Opening it steam rose along
with the delicious aroma of chicken. There was a slice of bread wrapped in
cloth next to the flask. Realising that Amanda must have come in and left this
and lit the fire for her, Sam blushed thinking of how she must have looked flat
out on the sofa. The smell of the soup interrupted her thoughts. She had not
eaten since early that morning and her body was now demanding some sustenance.
She found a bowl and spoon in the kitchen area, sat at the table and began to
eat.
The next morning Amanda was on her way to her van with
Silver at her heels, to drive into college and her day’s work, when the door to
the annexe opened and Sam emerged dressed in clean jeans and a sky blue T-shirt,
her hair was wet from a recent shower. She smiled shyly at Amanda. ‘Good
morning, I just wanted to apologise again for my rather dramatic arrival
yesterday and thank you for the soup, it was very welcome.’ Amanda smiled at
her guest and returned the greeting ‘Hi. You look a lot better. You are
welcome. How are you doing?’
‘Oh I am fine. I can’t imagine what was wrong. I was tired
but I am not usually so easily felled!’ Sam tried to joke but Amanda saw that
the smile did not quite reach her eyes. As they were speaking, Silver had
wandered over to Sam and was nosing at her hand.
‘Silver, come here, manners boy!’ Amanda scolded him.
‘Sorry, he likes to know who his neighbours are’ Sam did not reply but gave
Silver an uncertain look. She pulled her hand from his reach and folded her
arms protectively around herself.
‘Oh he’s fine,’ Sam said unconvincingly
Amanda sensed her nervousness, ‘Not a dog person?’ she asked
lightly.
‘Well…. I used to have a cat. I’m just not used to dogs I
guess.’
‘Silver here is a big softy but he usually doesn’t bother
with people much, he is permanently glued to my side. I even take him to work.
Luckily the powers that be there are laid back enough to allow him to sit in my
classroom.’ Amanda tried to reassure Sam that Silver would not be intruding on
her person every minute.
‘You teach? Oh I thought the tourist centre said you were an
artist.’ Sam asked curiously.
‘Oh, I am but I need to pay the bills and selling my work
doesn’t always do that, so...the teaching gig. Actually I really like it. I
have a good bunch of kids and we have fun learning together. The only part that
I hate is the inevitable paperwork but every job has its downside I suppose.’
Sam suddenly looked down at her feet and seemed to shrink a little.
‘Well have
a good day’ she muttered as she turned to go back indoors.
‘Thanks, you too. If you need anything just shout.’ Amanda
said wondering what nerve she had struck. As Sam waved and went indoors
shutting the door after her. Amanda opened her van door, Silver jumped in and
she followed. As she pulled out from the drive and onto the narrow lane she was
replaying her meeting with Sam. She had seen this woman for less than 15
minutes in total and yet she had to confess to herself that she couldn’t get
her out of her thoughts. ‘No Amanda. No. You do not need to be thinking about
this woman.’ She admonished herself but she argued back ‘I am just concerned. I
am being a good host. It’s just business. Yep, it is just business…’
Chapter 4
Sam had steeled herself to speak to Amanda when she saw her
outside. Having just showered and dressed she had told herself that she needed
to apologise and thank Amanda but she was glad to see her outside and not to
have to go and knock on her door. She
had taken a deep breath and gone out to speak to her. All had gone well until
Amanda had spoken about work, then Sam had just felt the tightening in her
chest again and had wanted to run. Thinking about it now, she had even enjoyed
the chat until then. She had almost forgotten the nervousness she felt and the
discomfort of speaking to a stranger. Back inside, the now familiar panic and
anxiety had her gripped. She sat on the sofa and tried to calm herself. After twenty minutes or so she started to
feel a little calmer but exhausted. She could not understand this constant
tiredness but then she couldn’t understand much of what she was feeling
recently. She decided that she needed fresh air. Didn’t everyone say that
exercise was good for anxiety? Not that she believed anxiety was really a
problem for her, it was just that she
needed a holiday, she told herself.
Putting on her trainers and grabbing a jacket Sam went
outside and quickly spotted the path which went off to the left along the cliff
top. She began to follow it. Down below, the sea was crashing against the
reddish, brown rocks. The air was cool and moist but not too cold. Breathing the
clean, fresh air and taking in the beauty of her surroundings Sam began to feel
calm and invigorated. She strode along the path relishing the isolation. Apart
from sea birds she appeared to be alone. She set herself a brisk pace but
regularly stopped to drink in the view. She began to get a little breathless
and realised just how unfit she was, she couldn’t remember the last time she
had worked out or done any physical activity other than walking through the
office. As she continued along the path
she saw a beach come into view below her. It was completely empty apart from
birds and waves washing the sand. It looked so inviting; Sam could almost feel
the sand between her toes. She continued along the path until she found a
steep, narrow track branching off down the cliff face towards the beach. Sam
looked at the track warily, it was very steep and hardly an ‘official’ path.
The track had obviously been made by the footfall of others who had wanted to
venture onto the sand. She was pretty sure she shouldn’t attempt the descent
but then again the empty beach was hard to resist.
Sam began walking timidly down the path. She knew pretty
quickly that this was not the cleverest thing she had ever done. Her training
shoes were not ideal footwear for the gravel and mud track. Her foot kept
slipping forward and she had to steady herself by putting out her arms and
holding onto tufts of grass. Despite this she managed to get most of the way
down when both of her feet slipped out from under her. She cried out as she
fell on her bottom and slid the rest of the way down to the rocks below. She
landed hard on her right foot and felt a sharp pain radiating from her ankle up
her lower leg.
Once the gravel had finished sliding past her and all was
quiet, Sam tested her body to see what hurt. Both of her hands were stinging; she noticed grazes on both and tried to clean off
some of the mud and grit by wiping them on her jeans. She tried standing and
was relieved to find that she could put her weight on both of her feet so she
figured nothing was broken. However, when she tried to walk, her right ankle
protested with sharp waves of pain. ‘Bloody
hell!’ Sam shouted at herself, the wind carrying her profanity along the empty
sands. She took a few more steps, wincing as she went. Looking around her she
knew she wouldn’t be able to make it back up the cliff path. She looked along
the beach and couldn’t see another path. Suddenly the isolation that she had
been enjoying now seemed ominous. How the hell was she going to get back?
Telling herself that she was an executive, a trouble shooter, a team leader,
this should not be that difficult for her to figure out. Who was she kidding? She
only had survival skills when she had a laptop and a mobile phone! She shouted
out into the wind once more, filling her lungs and yelling for all she was
worth. Anyone passing would not have been able to make out any words but would
have heard a primitive scream of a woman who had had enough of the world,
enough of herself, just enough, enough.
She plonked herself down on the sand
and stared out to sea. The blue green water and the white foamy waves, the horizon
that seemed to go on and on. She could not take her eyes from the view and for
a few moments she considered how it would feel to walk into the water, just as
she was now and to keep walking until she disappeared, until there was silence.
As she thought this a strange peace settled over her.
She sat with her legs pulled up to her chest and rested her
chin on her knees. She closed her eyes and listened to the rhythmic sound of
the waves. She had been in pain for a long time, she admitted to herself. When
had she last been happy? She honestly could not remember. There were times she
had felt satisfied with the work she had done, pleased for the praise and
promotion she had earned, but happy? No, not for
a very long time. She could not remember a time when she wasn’t longing for
something, searching for some elusive ‘thing’ that she could not name or
visualise. The events of the past few years had compounded that feeling. Her
father’s illness and death, so quick, so unfair, standing by his graveside
feeling lost and unreal. He had always been there for her, always been her support
and guidance. Her long term relationship with Patricia, ripped apart by the
discovery of Pat’s infidelity, so soon after her father’s death, destroying what
little sense of solid ground she had left. At the office she was in control,
confident, sure and dynamic. Others looked to her for direction and she
provided it; occasionally with a force that was intimidating. Sam felt a tear
on her cheek as she thought of the ‘professional’ her. No-one would have
guessed the emptiness she felt as she strode through the office, her well-tailored
clothes providing a shield as effective as a suit of armour. But the armour was
failing her, the last day in the office showed that, she could not continue the
pretence of being that person. She was tired, so tired. She thought once again of the oblivion that
awaited in those dark, crashing waves.
She wiped her eyes noticing that she had begun to feel a
little cold, the damp sand soaking the seat of her jeans. She also noticed that
the sea was a little closer than it had been. She realised somewhat belatedly
that the tide was coming in. The reality
of being swallowed by the waves was not as comforting as her dark thoughts. She
felt very foolish and a little scared. How was she going to get off the beach?
She began to hobble her way along the foot of the cliffs hoping to find a path
to lead her home again. Each step she took was painful but the fear of being
trapped on the beach with a rising tide was more urgent so she tried her best
to ignore it. She shouldn’t have come down onto a beach without checking tide
times or without letting someone know where she was going.
She had managed to make her way along the length of the beach
but had yet to find a way off. She came to a rocky outcrop; the waves were
already lapping at its edge. The only way around it was to paddle into the
water. She considered taking off her shoes but she was beginning to panic and
so waded in with her trainers and jeans in place and sloshed around the rock.
As she made her way around the jagged rock, another beach came into view and to
her relief a set of wooden steps were built into the cliff side. She laughed
out loud and squelched towards the stairs. Now that the sense of danger had
passed Sam was thoroughly embarrassed. What an idiot! Then a realisation hit
her like a slap. I don’t want to disappear, I don’t want to die, I just don’t
want to live like this anymore. Now, she needed to find the steps which would
lead her out of her current misery and to a new life.
Chapter 5
It took Sam two hours to limp back to the house, tired,
sore, dirty and wet. She had just arrived back when Amanda pulled up in her
van. Sam groaned, she hadn’t wanted anyone to see her in this state. Amanda
jumped out of the van a look of concern on her face; she was closely followed
by Silver.
‘Sam! What happened?! Are you OK?’ Amanda rushed over to her
absorbing the sight of this dishevelled looking urchin in front of her. Sam
looked wet and cold, not to mention covered in mud. She was also limping quite
badly.
‘Oh it’s nothing, just a little fall, I slipped it was
really silly of me.’ Sam explained, leaving out all of the detail which would
have told Amanda just how silly she had been. ‘My trainers slipped on the
gravel, I need to get some shoes with a better grip.’ She tried to make light
of it but could not help but grimace because of the pain from her foot.
‘Let me help you.’ Amanda moved to her side and put her arm
around Sam’s waist ‘Lean on me. Come into my house I have bandages and what
not’ Sam thought about declining the offer, not wanting to have to have a
conversation or admit how the accident had happened to this attractive,
confident woman. ‘Attractive? When did I start thinking of her like that?’ Sam
surprised herself. She felt Amanda’s strong arm around her and inhaled her
fragrance of soap, shampoo and oil paint. She had no strength left to argue so
she allowed herself to lean on Amanda and be lead into her home.
They entered Amanda’s kitchen. It was cosy, the Aga throwing
out a significant amount of heat. A large scrubbed pine table sat in the middle
of the room and it was here that Amanda pulled out a chair and guided Sam into
it. She then knelt in front of her and
began pulling off her sodden trainers, carefully. Even so, Sam groaned out loud
as she removed the right shoe.
‘Really, you don’t have to do this, I will be fine.’ Sam
began. As she spoke Amanda removed her wet sock and gasped. Her foot was
swollen to twice its normal size and already it was black and blue.
‘Uh huh, yep you look fine.’ Amanda replied. ‘I really think
you may have to see a doctor, this looks pretty bad. I think we should put
something cold on it to help with the swelling.’
She began rooting in her freezer to find something suitable. She emerged with a
bag of frozen peas. ‘Here we go, peas, just what we need,’ she smiled at Sam
and knelt back down to press the ice cold pack on her injury.
The initial cold made Sam mutter under her breath ‘shit’ but
very quickly the cold provided some relief. She watched Amanda’s paint stained
hands holding the vegetable pack. They were tanned, strong hands, with nails which
were cut short but well-manicured. Sam decided
she liked them. She moved on to Amanda’s thick dark curls which were also cut short
and framed her square jaw and deep, brown eyes
perfectly. ‘Attractive alright’ Sam thought ‘In fact you are quite a stunner,’ She realised that Amanda was looking up at her, a
questioning look on her face. ‘Sorry, er, did you say something?’ Sam stammered. Amanda
raised an eyebrow and looked amused ‘I asked if it hurt anywhere else’
‘Oh God a perfect smile too!’ Sam inwardly groaned. Out loud
she said ‘No, not really, just a few bumps’ she turned her palms upward and
Amanda quickly took in the deep graze and scratches.
‘Wow, you really had a fall didn’t you? Just hold the peas
while I go and get something to clean that wound with.’
‘I’m really OK. I should leave you to get on with your
evening. I’ll go and take a shower and I will be fine.’ Sam tried to protest.
Amanda now looked at Sam somewhat incredulously. ‘You are not going anywhere on that ankle. Just sit
still and wait for me. Back in a second.’ Her tone did not leave much room for
argument. Sam was torn between allowing this woman to take care of her and
being indignant at being told what to do. She was the one used to giving the
orders and being in charge, no-one questioned her, even Pat had always looked to
Sam to make most of the decisions that affected their daily lives. She wasn’t
quite sure how to react to this dominant personality but she noticed that
Amanda’s tone gave her a strange feeling in the pit of her tummy. The pain in
her foot made the decision for her, she really couldn’t conceive of walking any
further, so she did as she was told and sat and waited for Amanda to return.
Coming back into the kitchen Amanda carried some cotton
wool, disinfectant, plasters and a bandage. She filled a bowl full of hot water
and brought it to the table. Then she began to attend to Sam’s hands.
‘So you did all this just slipping on gravel on the path?’
Amanda asked.
‘Uh huh, yes’ Sam did not elaborate.
‘Hmm. I hadn’t realised there was that much water on the
path to get so wet?’ It was a direct question and Sam tried to think of an
answer which wouldn’t make her seem as irresponsible as she had been. Why did
she care so much what this woman thought?
‘Well actually, it was the side path down to the beach that
I slipped on. I fell down onto the rocks below and then saw the tide was coming
in and realised I couldn’t get back up the rocks and so I had to walk along the
beach but it got cut off by the waves so I had to paddle through the sea to get
around the other side. But then everything was OK as there were steps to get
off the beach.’ Sam blurted out whilst trying to look as dignified as possible.
Amanda paused her work on Sam’s hand and fixed her with a
glare ‘You went down to the beach via that ridiculously steep and dangerous path?
Then got caught by the tide?’ Sam felt like a child being questioned by the
headmistress. She wanted to tell Amanda off, tell her it was none of her
business. She straightened herself in her seat and tried to muster some
authority in her voice. ‘Well, when you put it like that it does sound a little
silly but all’s well that ends well. I should really go back next door.’ Sam
began to try and raise herself from her seat. The peas which had been resting
on her foot, fell to the floor as Sam tried to stand, faltering when the pain
hit again. Amanda caught her by the elbow and helped her lower herself back
into the chair. As her bottom touched the wood Sam winced realising that she
must have also bruised her behind as she fell on it. ‘Ouch, that hurts’ Sam
muttered as she tried to rub it. Amanda thought ‘Well that seems appropriate, I’d
say she deserves a sore bottom after her silly behaviour today.’ Out loud
though she made a vaguely sympathetic noise. Taking a breath she patiently said
‘I know you are a stranger here, I should maybe have warned you about being
wary of tides. It is so easy to get cut off in some places, all doesn’t always
end well unfortunately. We have had our fair share of tragedy along the coast,
I’d prefer it if you weren’t added to that number.’ She smiled at Sam, her
muddy, wet clothes and dirt smeared face actually made her look quite adorable.
Amanda’s internal voice shouted ‘Oh, no you don’t Amanda Jane Naughton. No
falling for the visitor from Up Country!’
